The next few weeks were a blur. We couldn't get enough of each other. Our lives were completely intertwined and we kept finding ways to make it worse.
I remember standing in my kitchen decorating cupcakes for him to give her for Valentine's Day and thinking how much I wished someone were stressing over what would be special for me. I spent hours learning to West Coast Swing so that I could teach him and he would impress her. Learning specific moves and patterns to "wow" her. I also remember the look on his face when he told me that she spent Valentine's night at another man's house dancing, and the disappointment he felt when they went out together and she chose to dance with others; correcting him when his technique wasn't perfect. I'm not saying that this was an excuse, but he seemed so good and she seemed so cold. I wanted him to be the victim. I wanted to be the solution.
Sitting on the balcony overlooking the ocean I started our first real talk about "us" vs. "them". I asked him why and if he knew this was what he wanted. I asked him if he wanted to divorce her. I asked him if he wanted to work things out with her. I told him that he had 3 options to move forward: He could leave her or he could stay with her and give their relationship an honest chance. The only option that would be wrong would be to stay with her and not work to make it better. There it was... Stay and fight for it, Leave, or Roll over dead. I also offered options from me. I could be there for him, I could leave and never look back, or I could help him to win her back. I remember he asked me why I would do that and I didn't have an answer. I don't think he knew how badly I needed him to be the good guy. I don't think I knew that myself.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
What Now?
We didn't sleep together that night or the next day. I left New Orleans and he stayed to spend a few days with her, their kids and some friends.
The next week we saw each other a few times, most significantly when he went with me to court on the day my restraining order was granted. On the drive home that afternoon I asked him if we were going to continue to let our feelings grow or if NOLA would stay in NOLA. He told me that it most certainly had to stay in NOLA. It wasn't what I wanted to hear, but I accepted his answer. I know my attitude changed, though, because he pulled over the car before my house and asked why I was so quiet. Why do you think I'm quiet? That was the first admission of the line we'd crossed. Guilt
That Friday night we were texting through a truly horrendous date I was on. He was out with friends and invited me to meet him. Once I ditched the date and got to the bar things started to heat up pretty quick. The atmosphere in the bar was loud and dark and the sexual tension between us was intense. I don't know what got into me, but when his friend got up to go to the bathroom I leaned in and whispered in his ear. I blush as I write this, but I think it was something along the lines of my legs being wrapped around his neck. 'o'
"Check, please!"
We left separately but arrived at my house within seconds of each other. I honestly don't know how we made it through the front door. Clothes and limbs were flying and we fell onto the bed in a sweaty mess. Carnal is the only word that comes to mind. The sex was almost violent and it was over before I even knew what hit me. (He would kill me if he knew I wrote that...)
I didn't know what to do in the aftermath and squirmed between kneeling, sitting and lying next to him on the bed. Finally he grabbed my hand and pulled me down to him. We lay there for what seemed like hours, my head on his chest listening as hit heartbeat returned to normal. When I woke up he was gone and I had a raging hangover. My head was spinning from the alcohol but more so from the events that kept running through my mind. What now?
The next week we saw each other a few times, most significantly when he went with me to court on the day my restraining order was granted. On the drive home that afternoon I asked him if we were going to continue to let our feelings grow or if NOLA would stay in NOLA. He told me that it most certainly had to stay in NOLA. It wasn't what I wanted to hear, but I accepted his answer. I know my attitude changed, though, because he pulled over the car before my house and asked why I was so quiet. Why do you think I'm quiet? That was the first admission of the line we'd crossed. Guilt
That Friday night we were texting through a truly horrendous date I was on. He was out with friends and invited me to meet him. Once I ditched the date and got to the bar things started to heat up pretty quick. The atmosphere in the bar was loud and dark and the sexual tension between us was intense. I don't know what got into me, but when his friend got up to go to the bathroom I leaned in and whispered in his ear. I blush as I write this, but I think it was something along the lines of my legs being wrapped around his neck. 'o'
"Check, please!"
We left separately but arrived at my house within seconds of each other. I honestly don't know how we made it through the front door. Clothes and limbs were flying and we fell onto the bed in a sweaty mess. Carnal is the only word that comes to mind. The sex was almost violent and it was over before I even knew what hit me. (He would kill me if he knew I wrote that...)
I didn't know what to do in the aftermath and squirmed between kneeling, sitting and lying next to him on the bed. Finally he grabbed my hand and pulled me down to him. We lay there for what seemed like hours, my head on his chest listening as hit heartbeat returned to normal. When I woke up he was gone and I had a raging hangover. My head was spinning from the alcohol but more so from the events that kept running through my mind. What now?
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Bourbon Street Debauchery
After unloading our loot from the parades we decided to venture out in search of something a bit more depraved. Bourbon Street here we come. :)
At this point we've both had enough time and alcohol that we are finally starting to loosen up. Q suggests a strip club and although I'm hesitant I still think it will be pretty cool. I've never been before and I'm curious. Ok, let's do it. After all, Mardi Gras is Carnival which can be loosely translated to mean "farewell to the flesh". First stop: Little Darlings. My mouth hung open for a full 10 minutes before Q politely reminded me to close it. There was a mattress on stage! Thankfully we stayed only long enough to realize this place was skeazy and we were back out on the streets. Next up: Larry Flynt's Hustler Club. Holy eye-opening. The girls are naked, everywhere! We grab a seat at the bar and order a couple drinks. This place isn't half as bad as the first. The girls are very pretty and the things they're able to do on that pole! Wow! After a bit we move down to one of the seats by the center stage and Q asks me to place the dollars in the girls' g-strings. NO!!!! I'm laughing but my face was bright red! One more drink, though, and I'm considering it. I do finally grow a pair and interact with a girl and it's quite fun! Now I'm on the prowl for the best girl in the place. We spend about an hour total and decide to move on. We can always come back later. ;)
Back out on the street the party is amping up. People are hanging from the balconies tossing beads and I'm loving every minute of this. I hear music spilling out from an open door and all I want to do is dance. Grabbing Q's hand I throw my hair back and let the music take me.
I don't know what we looked like or how long we danced for but when I look up everyone is watching and cheering us on and a girl from one of the balconies is beckoning me up to her. I shrug my shoulders, wink at Q and off we go.
Another drink from the bar before we step out onto the balcony and the air feels alive with energy; like anything is possible. We introduce ourselves as a couple from Miami and spend a few minutes laughing and making small talk with our new friends. The guys let me throw a few beads down and I feel like I did a pretty good job of ring-around-the-drunk-bitch. Lol. My ADD is kicking in though and I'm bored. Flitting off into the night I stop to dance at a piano inside before stumbling back out onto the main street.
Q has caught the bug now, too and we slip into Club Lafitte in Exile. More drinks and some amazing dancing; we're really connecting now and we've both let go of our inhibitions. Poor Q, though. He has to use the restroom and this is the first time he's noticed I brought him to a gay bar. Hahahaha!
You get the main idea, right? Lots of alcohol, lots of dancing, lots of fun. By the time we stop to look at a watch it's because the sun is coming up and the streets are starting to empty. We finally tumble back into our room around 6am and there is no question about using both of the two beds in our room. Well, maybe a little question because while I slip into a white-eyelet tank and shorts complete with ribbons and bows... Q sleeps next to me in his jeans and t-shirt.
At this point we've both had enough time and alcohol that we are finally starting to loosen up. Q suggests a strip club and although I'm hesitant I still think it will be pretty cool. I've never been before and I'm curious. Ok, let's do it. After all, Mardi Gras is Carnival which can be loosely translated to mean "farewell to the flesh". First stop: Little Darlings. My mouth hung open for a full 10 minutes before Q politely reminded me to close it. There was a mattress on stage! Thankfully we stayed only long enough to realize this place was skeazy and we were back out on the streets. Next up: Larry Flynt's Hustler Club. Holy eye-opening. The girls are naked, everywhere! We grab a seat at the bar and order a couple drinks. This place isn't half as bad as the first. The girls are very pretty and the things they're able to do on that pole! Wow! After a bit we move down to one of the seats by the center stage and Q asks me to place the dollars in the girls' g-strings. NO!!!! I'm laughing but my face was bright red! One more drink, though, and I'm considering it. I do finally grow a pair and interact with a girl and it's quite fun! Now I'm on the prowl for the best girl in the place. We spend about an hour total and decide to move on. We can always come back later. ;)
Back out on the street the party is amping up. People are hanging from the balconies tossing beads and I'm loving every minute of this. I hear music spilling out from an open door and all I want to do is dance. Grabbing Q's hand I throw my hair back and let the music take me.
I don't know what we looked like or how long we danced for but when I look up everyone is watching and cheering us on and a girl from one of the balconies is beckoning me up to her. I shrug my shoulders, wink at Q and off we go.
Another drink from the bar before we step out onto the balcony and the air feels alive with energy; like anything is possible. We introduce ourselves as a couple from Miami and spend a few minutes laughing and making small talk with our new friends. The guys let me throw a few beads down and I feel like I did a pretty good job of ring-around-the-drunk-bitch. Lol. My ADD is kicking in though and I'm bored. Flitting off into the night I stop to dance at a piano inside before stumbling back out onto the main street.
Q has caught the bug now, too and we slip into Club Lafitte in Exile. More drinks and some amazing dancing; we're really connecting now and we've both let go of our inhibitions. Poor Q, though. He has to use the restroom and this is the first time he's noticed I brought him to a gay bar. Hahahaha!
You get the main idea, right? Lots of alcohol, lots of dancing, lots of fun. By the time we stop to look at a watch it's because the sun is coming up and the streets are starting to empty. We finally tumble back into our room around 6am and there is no question about using both of the two beds in our room. Well, maybe a little question because while I slip into a white-eyelet tank and shorts complete with ribbons and bows... Q sleeps next to me in his jeans and t-shirt.
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| Smh |
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| From The Balcony |
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| Such A Classy Establishment |
Mardi Gras
Our relationship up to this point had been toeing the line between professional and personal. We enjoyed each other's company and had an easy banter during dance lessons and he had become an unexpected confident in dealing with some other struggles.
See I had just gotten out of an extremely abusive relationship and although those ties had been severed as best I knew how, the guy in question was still bothering me through text, email and following me when out in public. Q had been urging me for a few weeks to file a restraining order and had even gone so far as to drive me to the court house himself. He had become this sort of White Knight during the process and I think for me that's where the lines began to blur. I was so used to being the strong one. I was always the protector and fixer; this man wanted to protect me. It was easy to sit back and allow him to take the reigns. But more on that later... Let's get back to the party.
We knew we wanted to be in the middle of the action but weren't entirely sure where that was. I had done some research and knew that of the three Krewes: the Knights of Babylon, the Knights of Chaos and the Krewe of Muses, the last would be my favorite. They were an all-female crew with throws of lipstick, hand-mirrors, combs, purses and the ever-coveted high-heeled shoes! I wanted one!
I hadn't slept the night before because of excitement so I decided to pop an Adderall before heading out and offered one to Q as well. I take them on a regular basis as prescribed but warned him to only take half so he wouldn't feel too jumpy. New clothes for him, new lipgloss for me and we were off.
Mardi Gras was like nothing we had ever experienced. The whole scene was a sensory overload of sight, sound, taste and even smells. Lol. The first hour or so we continued in this awkward tango of how we should act toward each other. With no idea where the night would take us we decided the best bet would be to start off with some drinks. The streets were alive with people everywhere. Adults, teenagers and kids. Some were tourists but most were locals. We were warned that most of the debauchery happens on Bourbon Street where the tourists hang out and that to get the real experience we needed to steer clear.
Ok, we're not going to skip Bourbon Street, but we can at least save it for later... ;)
For now we stuck to the crowd growing on the street and waited for what seemed like forever when finally the first of the parade marchers came around the corner. The crowd went wild! Police officers and volunteers had to physically force the crowds out of the street so the giant floats could make their way down the street. Grown women were screaming like 13 year-olds at a One Direction concert! Men were scrapping on the floor to snatch up whatever trinkets landed within 10 feet of them. I didn't know what to do! Thank God Q is 11 feet tall and was able to score my first official Mardi Gras beads. :) Then out of nowhere I raised my hands in the air and a string of beads looped around my outstretched fingers. YES! I was hooked. From then on we wove in and out of the masses finding the best spot to get in on the action. We drank 3-4 Hurricanes each and at last started to loosen up. By the end of the parade we each had ropes of beads around our necks, hands full of cups, coozies, notepads and other trinkets and Q had secured 3 shoes for me! Not the full-size Muse Shoes, those were drawing blood to catch one, but I had a bracelet of shoes, a necklace with light up shoes and a small purple glittered shoe that would fit a doll. I was in heaven.
With the Muse parade over we wandered down the street to get a better view for the next parade. The Knights of Babylon were friendly and passed out hoards of goodies, but they couldn't compare to the Muses. Still, it was fun and we headed back to the hotel to unload before hitting the streets for the night.
See I had just gotten out of an extremely abusive relationship and although those ties had been severed as best I knew how, the guy in question was still bothering me through text, email and following me when out in public. Q had been urging me for a few weeks to file a restraining order and had even gone so far as to drive me to the court house himself. He had become this sort of White Knight during the process and I think for me that's where the lines began to blur. I was so used to being the strong one. I was always the protector and fixer; this man wanted to protect me. It was easy to sit back and allow him to take the reigns. But more on that later... Let's get back to the party.
We knew we wanted to be in the middle of the action but weren't entirely sure where that was. I had done some research and knew that of the three Krewes: the Knights of Babylon, the Knights of Chaos and the Krewe of Muses, the last would be my favorite. They were an all-female crew with throws of lipstick, hand-mirrors, combs, purses and the ever-coveted high-heeled shoes! I wanted one!
I hadn't slept the night before because of excitement so I decided to pop an Adderall before heading out and offered one to Q as well. I take them on a regular basis as prescribed but warned him to only take half so he wouldn't feel too jumpy. New clothes for him, new lipgloss for me and we were off.
Mardi Gras was like nothing we had ever experienced. The whole scene was a sensory overload of sight, sound, taste and even smells. Lol. The first hour or so we continued in this awkward tango of how we should act toward each other. With no idea where the night would take us we decided the best bet would be to start off with some drinks. The streets were alive with people everywhere. Adults, teenagers and kids. Some were tourists but most were locals. We were warned that most of the debauchery happens on Bourbon Street where the tourists hang out and that to get the real experience we needed to steer clear.
Ok, we're not going to skip Bourbon Street, but we can at least save it for later... ;)
For now we stuck to the crowd growing on the street and waited for what seemed like forever when finally the first of the parade marchers came around the corner. The crowd went wild! Police officers and volunteers had to physically force the crowds out of the street so the giant floats could make their way down the street. Grown women were screaming like 13 year-olds at a One Direction concert! Men were scrapping on the floor to snatch up whatever trinkets landed within 10 feet of them. I didn't know what to do! Thank God Q is 11 feet tall and was able to score my first official Mardi Gras beads. :) Then out of nowhere I raised my hands in the air and a string of beads looped around my outstretched fingers. YES! I was hooked. From then on we wove in and out of the masses finding the best spot to get in on the action. We drank 3-4 Hurricanes each and at last started to loosen up. By the end of the parade we each had ropes of beads around our necks, hands full of cups, coozies, notepads and other trinkets and Q had secured 3 shoes for me! Not the full-size Muse Shoes, those were drawing blood to catch one, but I had a bracelet of shoes, a necklace with light up shoes and a small purple glittered shoe that would fit a doll. I was in heaven.
With the Muse parade over we wandered down the street to get a better view for the next parade. The Knights of Babylon were friendly and passed out hoards of goodies, but they couldn't compare to the Muses. Still, it was fun and we headed back to the hotel to unload before hitting the streets for the night.
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| My Shoe Bracelet! |
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| Shoe Float! |
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| Giant Shoes on Parade! |
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| Shoes by the Krewe of Muses |
Monday, August 5, 2013
The beginning
I don't really know how it happened. He came out of nowhere and yet it was like we'd known each other forever.
The call came at 8:30pm on February 7, 2013. We'd been talking for a few weeks. Truth be told I was his dance instructor, helping him improve as a surprise for her. That day a simple text meant as a joke changed both of our lives forever.
Now I sit here writing this and trying to remember everything that happened to bring us to that choice. I can't say I hadn't thought of him before. He was so handsome, but it was his personality that made me picture how my life would be if that kind of attention could be aimed at me. Still I didn't know how to react when he invited me to New Orleans to meet him. I wanted to go so bad but I was scared. I knew her. I liked her. But the temptation was so much stronger.
I drove 8 1/2 hours that night to be with him. I couldn't sleep and was in the car around 4am. Lol. I smoked 3 packs of cigarettes and it's a wonder I didn't get lung cancer from that road trip alone. I couldn't wait to get there but as it got closer my foot was pumping the brakes. I pulled over 2 blocks from the hotel and reapplied my makeup. I popped a mint in my mouth and tried to get the scared look off my face. Rounding the corner I was so nervous that I pulled down a one-way street! He was waiting outside and jumped in to rescue me. I laughed watching him maneuver my car back around to the valet but my stomach was doing somersaults. What was I doing here?
The bellhop took my bags and led us through a beautiful lobby towards a bay of elevators. He cracked a smiled and told me that Q had been pacing the lobby for almost an hour and that his face had lit up like a kid on Christmas morning when I pulled up. **butterflies**
The bellhop showed us to a room and when we walked in I realized that his bags were there as well. The white-hot anger I felt was so fast and I couldn't really explain why I felt it. I was here so I obviously wanted to see what would happen. I was excited the whole drive over. Why was I so angry? I immediately put him into this category of men who have affairs, but wouldn't that put me in the category of a woman who would be "that woman"? Well if that's what this is then that's what it will be. I set out to be the perfect little playmate and I was good at it.
Immediately we set out to find some lunch and some clothes to go out in that evening. He'd come straight from a business trip and wasn't prepared for a night out with someone like me.
Lunch was yummy but awkward. We sat across from each other trying to fill in the silence. She called him and I got to listen to their interactions. It didn't seem very intimate but maybe he was nervous because I was there. Maybe he hated her. Maybe they were fighting. Maybe this was normal.
Next on our list was a shopping trip around NOLA to find some cool duds. The first street we crossed I felt a bolt of electricity when he brushed his hand on the small of my back. It was such a simple touch, protective really, but it was so intimate. Funny, isn't it? After all we'd been dancing together for a few months at this point.
The shopping trip was so much fun. We popped into several typical stores and then headed to a few more off the beaten path. Searching through stacks and racks for a simple t-shirt proved to be harder that it looked for the man whose entire wardrobe was made up of black, grey and the occasional red. Oh this was going to be fun. Lol.
We finally settled on a couple shirts and headed back to the hotel for a nap before catching a parade. Oh, did I forget to tell you? It's Mardi Gras!
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| The Scene of the Crime |
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| Street Vendors Everywhere! |
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